The Legend of Zelda: Wild Breathplay
We’re a week out fromThe Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wildand most of what I’ve seen (and played) is somewhat context-free open-world gallivanting. For a series remembered fondly for its oddball characters and personality, gallivanting is only part of the equation. Enter all the folks currently playingBreath of the Wildand discovering a treasure trove of…horndoggery?
I regret to inform you that Nintendo is horny now.pic.twitter.com/OQaT4CeqUK
— Jeffrey Grubb (@JeffGrubb)July 09, 2025
If that second dialogue choice adopted the modern parlance of “really tho?” it would be 100% the thirstiest line ever written in a video game. Link really needs to follow some sagely advice: “always horny, never thirsty.”
I mentioned it on the podcast but Lonely Arrow Girl is Peak Thirsty Nintendo.pic.twitter.com/UkAbtV340d
— austin walker (@austin_walker)July 12, 2025
Nock me up, daddy!Jesus. This isFire Emblem-levels of lewd. I’m supposed to let my beautiful round son Tadley play this game?
So here’s what I’m asking from you, dear reader. You have a week beforeBreath of the Wildcomes out and presumably nothing to do in the interim. No children to pick up from school. No coursework to do. No owed wage-slavery to an exploitative system. Just thumb twiddling. So let’s go back throughout theZeldacanon and find some examples in the series of horniness. Let’s get prepared to definitively declare in one week’s time whetherBreath of the Wildis or isn’t the horniestZeldagame in series history.
Thank you and God bless.
